THE NELSONS OF NOZZY
By Suzie Q.
Lamarr: [portentously] Son. Mom'll be home after a while. She had to work late at the bank ah-gayn, that's why we're having Glamour Burgers here. But I wanted to talk to you too.
Tom: [afraid "The Talk" is coming] Sure, Dad. What's up?
Lamarr: [irritable] Okay, okay. I'm trying to say it.
Tom: [realizing it's not The Talk but is still serious] Dad. Dad! It's okay! Just, uhh, take your time.
Lamarr: I heard a voice in my truck the other day. [pause]
Tom: A voice.
Lamarr: [nervous flood of words] It was kind of in my head. The voice. It was talking to me, for sure, I knew it was talking right to me. I don't know how I knew that, it didn't say my name, but...it was like inside my head, so it was definitely for me.
I was driving on the big bridge, you know where, right? This voice all of a sudden pops in my head and says "DRIVE INTO THE WATER. DO IT NOW." Then it kept asking me "Do you doubt, do you doubt." I had cars behind me or I would have stopped. I kept going, and the voice kept telling me to turn off. This was last Saturday. Ever since then I can't stop thinking about it. I didn't know what to do, so I kept going. I don't know if that was what I was supposed to do.
Tom: ... You mean, you think maybe you should have driven off the bridge?
Lamarr: [relieved: he's made himself clear!] Yes, exactly!
Tom: [forcing a laugh] Well, I'm kind of glad you didn't! 'Cause here you are!
Lamarr: [forces a laugh] Here I am!
Tom: Why do you think you should have gone off the bridge? That sounds kind of...you know.
Lamarr: I...thought maybe it was, you know. Lucifer.
Tom: You thought maybe the devil was talking to you?
Lamarr: Yeah. Heh. It kind of sounds different saying it out loud like this, with you. Heh.
Lamarr: [gaining confidence as he speaks] See, you know, in the Latter Days the saints will be sorely tested and all? So I thought maybe it was Lucifer trying really hard to wipe me out, have me go over the edge and die, because maybe I'm supposed to do...great...things. In the future. And he wanted to get me now before I could do those things. But then I also thought maybe it was our Heavenly Father, and he was putting me in kind of like an Abraham type situation. See if I'd do what the Lord said like right away without question, and then He'd save me or turn the wheel at the last second or something. So it was a test. It could be a test either way. Like "Can you resist Lucifer when he commands you?" Or the other way, "Will you do something that sounds really crazy, even, if the Lord commands it?"
[deflates] I don't think I'm explaining this very well.
Lamarr: Like I said, I ended up just going across the bridge. And I'm still here.
Tom: Yes! Good!
Does...Mom know about this?
Lamarr: NO. AND DON'T YOU TELL HER. [more softly] Please!
Tom: Okay, no problem!
[with great caution] Now, I don't mean anything mean by this...but are you feeling okay these days? You didn't...you know, hit your head or anything?
Lamarr: Oh my heck, no. I'm totally fine.
Tom: You haven't heard the voice again since then, then?
Lamarr: Nope, just that one day.
Tom: I'm glad! [pause]
So, what do you think now? About what was going on?
Lamarr: ...I don't know, Son. I just don't know.
Tom: What are you going to do?
Lamarr: I was...just going to talk to someone. I decided it should be you. I haven't really figured out anything past that.
Tom: Hmm. Okay.
Lamarr: Well. I feel so much better! The Spirit tells me I did the right thing talking to you! Thank you! You're a good good boy!
Tom: Thanks. [forces a smile]
Lamarr: Ahh, there's Mom now! [mimes zipping his lip, then smiles big at Tom]